Testosterone, Tampons and Teammates
by Dotti3
Summary: Naruto screwed up spectaculary. Let's just say Sasuke's got a reason to PMS, Sai's apparel fits his new figure and Sakura is all sorts of pissed. And those pervs Jaraiya and Kakashi aren't helping. Poor Naruto.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:** The Way The Cookie Crumbled

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters. The chapter title above is merely a reference to the wonderful movie Bruce Almighty, which is also not owned by me. All hail Jim Carey.

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><p>The sun was out and shining cheerily down on the village of Konoha. Fluffy white clouds floated lazily in the blue sky and the breeze was calm and gentle. It was the cliché start to a perfect day.<p>

The citizens of Konoha, both civilians and shinobi alike, were enjoying this beautiful day. Children played, women gossiped, and men tried to get laid. It was one of those days filled with Kodak moments.

While others went about merrily lazing around, the shinobi world's favorite knuckle head was hard at work on his new and improved jutsu. He was determined to update the technique to match his newly gained fame. The jutsu in question?

"Sexy no Jutsu!"

And how was our future hokage fairing?

_Poof_

"Ah Damn it!" the blonde she-male screeched, "I look worse than Orochimaru naked!"

As to how he knew what Orochimaru looked like naked? Well that's a long, disturbing story he doesn't like remembering.

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><p>Meanwhile, the only kunoichi member of the almighty Team 7, sighed in utter defeat at the hopelessness of her two socially retarded teammates. The aforementioned social retards were currently annoying her. Sai was attempting, key word being attempting, polite conversation that was insulting at best and Sasuke was impersonating a rain cloud, trailing behind and radiating all the doom and gloom expected from him.<p>

"Hag, you look even uglier than you did yesterday. Don't you agree Uchiha-san?"

"Hn."

"Perhaps she didn't brush her hair? Or maybe she doesn't own a mirror? Or maybe she had a mirror, but she broke it with her ugliness?"

"Hn."

"Either way, it doesn't matter. There is nothing she could do to make herself less ugly. Right Uchiha-san?"

"Aa."

Her fury was quickly rising. Normally she wouldn't mind these insults, as it was something she had grown used to, but she was in an incredibly volatile mood and these jackasses weren't helping with their comments and grunts. One more peep from the peanut gallery and she was going postal.

"I think she's on the rag."

"Aa"

"Shanaroooo!"

The two elite emotionless idiots leaped away in the nick of time as Sakura's fist demolished the ground forming a crater. Both males were on high alert as they observed the fire in her usually serene viridian eyes, and the absolute rage on her face. They recognized this expression as one that often promised pain and couldn't hide their cringes.

"If I hear another word from either of you, even a hn or aa, so help me Kami-sama, I will kill you! And I'm not on my period you jackasses!" She exploded, her pink tresses flying around wildly and eyes glowing with menace.

Sai and Sasuke shared a glance after observing their rampant female teammate, who was most definitely PMSing. Sai, ever the genius, ignored all the warning signs and decided to call her out on her lie.

"I was right. Hag is on the rag," he proclaimed in a jingle like manner with his creepy smile pointed at her, enticing her anger even more.

"Hn," Sasuke added to top the proverbial sundae off with a cherry. He even had the audacity to smirk.

Before she could do anything that would earn herself missing-nin status, she turned sharply and stormed off. Pissed as she was, she didn't want to kill the idiots. Besides, where would she hide their bodies?

After a while, she lost steam and ceased in her brooding. She noticed that her fellow comrades had caught up and sighed yet again. They were behaving like good boys and remaining silent, much to her pleasure.

She felt slightly embarrassed due to the melt down that had occurred just minutes ago. Sure, she had outbursts all the time, so it wasn't anything new. She was the 5th hokage's apprentice after all, and had clearly inherited the nasty temper to go with the monstrous strength. But still, she felt guilty at lashing out at something she usually ignored or found amusing.

In her defense, she was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. And yeah; she was on her period, though she refused to admit that to Sai of all people. Adding to that, her hospital shifts were exhausting and Tsunade had her running around like a squirrel on crack. Then there were her obligations as a member of team seven. This meant constant meals of ramen and training sessions that often erupted to all out brawls which left her having to patch up the stupid testosterone driven males of her team.

This is not to say she didn't love her team. She loved all of those infuriating males with all her heart. It's just that sometimes, they were just too much. If they were hungry, they showed up, simply expecting her to feed them. Injured or sick? To Sakura's house, because Lord knows, they would never just go to the damn hospital. Then there were the never ending questions from Sai, Naruto who could never stop talking, and constant brooding from Sasuke. Kakashi and Yamato only made matters worse, by condoning and encouraging such behaviors in the name of team spirit.

But all in all, they were great teammates and friends. Kakashi was always late and rather perverted, but he also gave great advice. Yamato was always there to listen when she needed to verbally vent her frustrations just as Sai was always there for her to vent physically, serving as her human punching bag. And despite all the heart ache and pain Sasuke had caused, he was back now and honestly trying for their sake. She was just so proud of him. Then there was Naruto. He was her ball of sunshine and the one who always brought a smile to her face with his goofy antics. He'd grown and matured so much. Long gone was the prank loving brat, replaced by a wise and responsible adult who was capable of-

"Sexy no Jutsu!" a familiar voice cried, interrupting her thoughts. Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. Well apparently praise Naruto and he'll make you regret it.

Standing before her was herself, strange as that may sound. The doppelganger had the same pink hair, green eyes, and face as her. In fact, it would have been a perfect replica if it weren't for the clone's possession of Tsunade-sized knockers and an ass she only wished she had. There was also the fact that this version of her was sluttier than Karin. She bristled, the anger from earlier roaring back to life with the intent to pulverize Naruto, who was still unaware and already flying through more hand seals.

She lunged going for the jugular. Sai followed, already knowing the drill, and set out to restrain Sakura. Sasuke raced after them too, happy to have a reason to pummel Naruto without Sakura's scorn.

There was a collision followed by a bright light. The last thing they witnessed was an explosion, before they all passed out.

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><p>Kakashi couldn't restrain his grin at the sounds of his lovely little students' grunts and murmurings or in Sakura's case, cursings. Tsunade was really a bad influence he surmised, making a mental note to have a talk with her later. For now, he was occupied, waiting for the fireworks to go off.<p>

"Wha?" Naruto gurgled, flopping into a sitting position. His eyes roamed around, not really taking anything in, until he came across his sensei's face. "Kaka-sensei?" he questioned wearily.

Sai was the next to wake, popping up like a spring daisy, creepy smile intact. Kakashi shuddered, as he studied the odd boy. He sure as hell was strange, he decided. That was saying something coming from Kakashi, considering he was the sensei of strange.

"Hn," And that would be Sasuke, having discovered his peculiar predicament immediately. His eyes were sharingan red, tomoes spinning dangerously, and glaring at his ramen loving friend. By the sound of his hn, he was going to kill Naruto.

A string of foul words announced Sakura's joining of the now fully conscious group. Kakashi cackled with glee in anticipation of her reaction. It was sure to be explosive. Kakashi almost pitied his dumb student, who was still staring at him rather intently.

Sakura, ever the medic, gazed at her teammates, scanning them for injuries, only to be greatly disturbed. Sasuke, sensing her distress, met her bewildered gaze. He gestured for her to look down at herself. She did and then wished she hadn't.

"Hello my pretties," Kakashi beamed, sounding like a creeper. This released Naruto from his trance he had been in. The village idiot glanced around, eyes fastening onto the sight of Sasuke, to which he burst with laughter.

"Teme," pausing to catch his breath, Naruto went on to accuse, "you have boobs!"

Of course that would be the first thing that Naruto would notice, though he was right. But Sasuke didn't just have a woman's chest, he had the whole shebang.

Sasuke growled, "I wouldn't be laughing dead last. Look at yourself."

Naruto did as Sasuke commanded and was met with the familiar sight of his female form. Any other time, he would have marveled at himself, but he had a rather bad feeling. Looking up, he spotted a pasty female with dark hair that he identified as Sai and a pink haired stud in place of his dear Sakura-chan.

"Release!" the know grief stricken Naruto cried.

Nothing. So he kept at it. Soon his now escalating screams were joined by his fellow comrades. They ended in unison, all having come to the same conclusion.

"We're stuck this way!" Naruto shrieked in a much lighter voice.

"And it's all Naruto's fault," Kakashi reminded helpfully.

"BAKA!" Sakura charged.

"Dobe!" Sasuke snarled, joining Sakura.

"Dickless," Sai said simply. He too joined the small mob, not really angry. Honestly, he was just doing it because both Sasuke and Sakura were doing it. He didn't want to be left out and miss a chance to bond.

"Senpai?" Yamato questioned, finally arriving, only to find Naruto receiving a beat down. "Aren't you going to stop them?"

Kakashi lazily regarded him. "They'll tire out eventually."

Yamato sweat dropped at the man he acknowledged as his superior. "Senpai," he repeated warningly.

"Party pooper," Kakashi pouted. He sighed as heard Sasuke fire up a chidori, deeming it time to intervene.

The two jounin sprang to action, Kakashi rescuing the now curvy Naruto while Yamato subdued the assailants with his wood style. Naruto gave his sensei a starry eyed look of appreciation, forgetting that his sensei had been the one to snitch in the first place. Sasuke and Sakura struggled in their bonds, still thirsting for blood and vengeance. Sai smiled that damn fake smile of his.

"Pervert!" Naruto accused his lecherous sensei, remembering his state of dress; or rather lack of.

Simultaneously the naked, gender swapped shinobi scrambled for their clothes in mortification. Seeing as they had lost some parts and gained new bits, their outfits were now inappropriate. Such was their life.

/End/

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I'm rather new here and this is the second time I've uploaded something, so apologize should anything strange occur. I also edit with only the help from Microsoft Word, which is helpful, but wishes to spell Sasuke's name Sauce. If you see anything in need of repair, please let me know.

To those interested in how Naruto knows what Orochimaru looks like naked, please check out **The Whole Monty Python** which details the encounter. It is not as long or disturbing (That's what she said!) as I said earlier. So far, I have received one beautiful review from Meari T that almost made me cry. I plan to dedicate the next installment of that fic to that reviewer.

And on a final note, please review. You don't even need an account to do so. Even a quick smilie or frownie face means the world to me, so please give me feedback. If you have any requests just pm me or leave it in a review and I'll do my best to meet it. And I hate to bribe...but the next chapter is already typed...Total douche move, but at least I didn't end this one with a cliff hanger. I'm still sorry!

Thank you, so very much for reading, and I apologize for the lengthy author's note.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: **Home Invasions and Other Emergencies

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Naruto.

**A/N:**Thank you for the beautiful reviews! They really made me smile.

**Essy-Chan:** I am happy that you enjoyed that. And as for what happens...read on my friend.

**music1462:** Awesome and hilarious? You're making me blush! Thanks!

**SanDavis687: **Thanks! I'm glad you found it funny and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

**Rawrgoesdadino: **Thank you so much for your epically wonderful review. I'm glad to here you enjoyed my other fic as well. And you asked a wonderful question. Sakura will be paired up with someone, but I haven't exactly decided on that someone yet. I do know that the boys/now girls of team 7 will all chase after the stud that is Sakura further on down the line. Otherwise, I would really love to hear who you think she should end up with. Thanks once again!

**StarKiss666: **Congratz, you were the first one to review! And yes, Sakura is now a stud muffin. Thanks for your review.

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><p>Team seven embarked on the walk of shame down the streets of Konoha to the Hokage's tower. Well, Sakura and Sasuke did, as Naruto was too taken by pain to worry for anything else, and Sai didn't know what shame was. Kakashi was almost skipping in the lead, finding the situation hilarious, while Yamato shook his head.<p>

They must have been quite the sight. Sasuke's haori had taken on the appearance of a yukata and he and Sakura had swapped pants. In addition to that, Sakura had lent her hot pink bra to the Uchiha, which showed through the thin white fabric of his attire. Sakura opted to go shirtless, as she didn't have to worry about flashing anyone. She had taken pity on Naruto, lending her shirt to him, and helping tighten the infamous orange pants, using the equally infamous jacket as a belt. Sai, strangely, didn't need to change.

They found themselves having to walk, as none of them were well acquainted enough to hop roofs or teleport. The villagers stared of course. There were also suspicious clicks and flashes that sounded an awful lot like pictures being taken. Team seven was sure to be on the front page news once again.

After what felt like forever, they made it to the safety of their Hokage's office. To their misfortune, Tsunade had already drunk herself to oblivion and ended up laughing her ass off. Much to their distaste, she resorted to groping the now busty Naruto and shamelessly draping herself on the newly buff Sakura.

"Lady Tsunade!" Shizune scolded, coming to the rescue of the molested teens.

Seeing as Tsunade was distracted, Sakura flew into action, administrating a Tsunade-patented sobering jutsu. A few seconds under her apprentice's glowing hands, and Tsunade found herself unpleasantly aware of the world. She really regretted taking on a student now, seeing as said student always ruined her buzz.

The now rational Tsunade scanned the shinobi in front of her, and then shot Kakashi a look. The copy-cat nin was engrossed in the world of Icha Icha. This meant it was up to Yamato to explain.

"Hokage-sama, when I arrived, they were already like this," He motioned to the transformed nin.

"Shishou," Sakura stepped forward, awaiting Tsunade's command to continue. Tsunade nodded, granting permission.

"The baka was being a disgusting perv, so I went to correct him. Then I was followed by Dumb and Dumber," Sakura informed, pointing her finger and jabbing her thumb as necessary to point out the others. Sasuke was most offended to be called dumb, but took comfort in the fact that Sai was called dumber.

Tsunade sighed heavily, muttering curses, no doubt about Naruto. She hadn't sighned up for this crap and she sure as hell didn't get paid enough. Not to mention, she was supposed to be retired and off gambling somewhere, drunk off her ass and totally happy. Instead, she was stuck with geezers, perverts, and idiots; gender confused idiots. And she wasn't even allowed a drop of sake.

"Have you tried reversing the effects of the jutsu by releasing it?" The slug sannin asked resigned, already knowing the answer.

They all nodded.

"So you're stuck this way?" Tsunade questioned solemnly. At their silence, she continued, "Look, as much as I would like to help you guys, I have a meeting with the old farts. So for now, I need you to scat. You're dismissed from all duties until I say otherwise."

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><p>Having been dismissed, Sakura found herself with nothing to do, but go home. She began to plot a day of relaxation. It would be a day exempt of bleeding bigots to patch together, bumbling clueless interns to order around, and most importantly; bothersome teammates to clean up after.<p>

But a peculiar thing was happening. Sasuke, who lived on the other side of Konoha, trailed after them. Then they past the turn off to Naruto's, yet the blonde still ambled along. And Sai, who lived further than she did, stopped along with her. It appeared that they planned to invade her home, which didn't at all adhere to her previous plans of relaxation. Sakura adamantly denied them access, but alas, they were not vampires that needed an invite, and so they charged. Illusions of alone time ruined, Sakura trudged after them. She really should have known better.

Upon entering, the pinkette noticed they had all settled into their respective spots. Naruto had already raided the fridge and was sprawled on the floral couch with last night's left overs. Sakura noted with distaste that even in his female form, he lacked any manners, as he ate sloppily; splattering food about, feet perched on the coffee table. Sai was in the process of setting up an easel by the window, no doubt ready to stain her floor with more paint. Sasuke, on the other hand, sat brooding in his emo corner, which was incidentally her reading area, therefore her space. It was one thing to invade her home, but an entirely different thing to take over her area, especially when there were much better places to brood.

Marching in, she struck a pose, which was rather awkward when done by a male body. "You," she jabbed a finger at Naruto, "feet off the table, sit up straight, and chew with your mouth closed."

The accusing finger strayed to Sai. "You there! How many times have I told you to put down a tarp or something?"

Lastly she made to reprimand Sasuke. "And you!" her tone started out ferocious; until she saw the kicked puppy look he aimed at her. Seeing as he wasn't making a mess, she let him be and only called for a cease of his moping.

Sadly, the commands issued fell on deaf and dumb ears. Naruto couldn't help but be a slob and likewise Sasuke couldn't stop pouting. Sai did put a tarp down, though it was placed on Naruto, which was only marginally better.

Fed up, she marched away to barricade herself in her room, shouting a quick, "leave me alone," and smacking a 'do not disturb' sign on her door that she had totally jacked from a hotel. Yes, you read right. Sweet, law abiding Sakura stole from a hotel. In her defense, the poor girl/guy needed privacy much more than some horny couple trying to get it on. Seriously.

So without further ado, she locked the door and threw the dead bolt home. Using her inhuman strength, she easily scooted a bookshelf to block the door, should anyone decide to grow a wild hair and kick it down. And no, she wasn't being paranoid, as that would be door number four she had just blocked and locked. These were ninjas she was dealing with after all.

On that note, she scurried to secure her windows as well, remembering Kakashi's habit of entering her home through them. She had a feeling that he wouldn't walk through any doors on the account of that prank Naruto had pulled when they were all genin. Kakashi had never really forgiven the knuckle head for that chalk eraser to the head.

Snapping out of her flash backs, she drew the curtains shut for good measure. Her sensei was a total pervert and wasn't above spying on his unsuspecting student, even if she wasn't exactly of the female species at the moment. He really was a sick, twisted man, but she couldn't imagine him any other way.

Finally alone, she heaved a sigh, flopping onto her wonderful bed, only to run into a small problem. Actually, it was kind of a big problem. Hell, who was she fooling? This was a 'holy crap, get the Hokage'/ red coded/ blue coded/ probably rainbow coded crisis!

What's wrong you ask?

Sakura Haruno needs to pee…but she doesn't know how.

She was so screwed.

/End/

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><p><strong>Ending Note: <strong>Please review, fave, or alert this story! Just somehow, show me you love me! No wait, put your pants back on! I didn't mean show me like **that**. Anyway, please give me feedback whether it be praise or a flame. I have half of Chapter Three typed and I really need the encouragement. Remember, you don't need an account and it doesn't have to be a long review. Any indication that you actually liked this in someway or form is enough to send me over the moon with joy.

Also...about the pairing. Tell me who you think I should stick Sakura with. Even if it's a suggestion as crazy as Ton Ton, I'll consider it.

Once again, thank you all for taking your time to read and hopefully review this story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:** Disasters and Accusations

Thank you to all who showed me their love!

**Rawrgoesdadino: **I am forever grateful to you for your wonderful review! I will gladly make this a multixsaku fic as it goes along rather nicely with my plans for this story. I also agree that Sai's clothing rather suits a woman better and that Neji hitting on Sasuke is a bit on the shiver-inducing side. Thank you once again for rocking my world!

**SanDavis687: **Indeed, it is a multi colored crisis. Likewise, this chapter is just as colorful. Thanks once again for the review, because they really make my day. Hugs and kisses for you!

**Essy-Chan:** It's always a delight to hear from you. And I'm honored that you have read this fic; five times at that! I can not even begin to thank you for the motivation your power of youth has provided. *Cue sunset and tears* Thank you mucho mas!

**StarKiss666: **You're so right! I only realized it now, but canon Sakura would probably have no problem with peeing like a man. I mean, if she can wipe the floor with Sasori, surely she could figure out how to do something even Naruto figured out. The clothes will be dealt with very soon, I can assure you. And yes, mornings will be a very interesting thing. Thank you for the review, and congratz once again on being the first to review!

Now on with the story! Remember last time we left off, Sakura was in quite the bind. Let's see what happens...

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><p>The bookshelf was violently shoved aside in her hurry to the bathroom, which was inconveniently not attached to her bedroom. Door number 4 met its demise, as the locks proved to be uncooperative to Sakura's emergency exit. And she had really liked that one too. Poor door number 4.<p>

The three lounging shinobi she-males met a peculiar sight, when Sakura blasted into the room, dancing like she was hosting a colony of ants in her pants. Each ceased in their doings, puzzling at their strange teammate who appeared to be having some sort of seizure. Medics they were not, but they didn't need any kind of certification to see there was something severely wrong with the now male version of Sakura.

The dance came to a sudden halt as Sakura pinned a desperate look at her fellow shinobi. "I need to pee."

"Then…" Naruto, clueless as ever, replied, "pee."

"But…" Sakura trailed of awkwardly, her head lowered in embarrassment as she made a vague gesture towards her crotch.

Cue the awkward silence.

And so that was how all four shinobi ended up in Sakura's small bathroom. Sakura was still dancing as Naruto was awkwardly doing pelvic thrusts, trying to demonstrate how to pee, while Sai had produced a book on the matter and was now reading instructions in monotone. Sasuke, ever the team player, scowled at the wall with all the enthusiasm of a whole troop of girl scouts.

Fed up with the lack of results and relief, Sakura kicked everyone out, making sure to slam the door in their faces. Sighing, she couldn't help but feel relieved. As well intentioned as those idiots were, they were still just that; idiots. On top of that, the pressure that had been plaguing her…new parts…wasn't there anymore. All was well.

Wait…something about this situation didn't seem right.

Sakura's brilliant mind quickly analyzed her current situation. Idiots outside; nothing wrong there, though they were liable to raid her panty drawl even if they were now girls themselves. Not needing to pee anymore?...Hmm…And why did she feel warm and wet down there?

Oh dear God. She didn't want to look, but she had to. And so she did and then really wished she hadn't, but she had. Oh the bliss of ignorance and the harsh slap of reality were two vastly different animals indeed.

Sakura Haruno, the acclaimed med-nin, prize pupil of the 5th Hokage, and only woman of the legendary Team 7, had just out right, peed her pants. Well, more accurately, Sakura Haruno had peed Sasuke Uchiha's pants. That didn't count did it? Either way Sasuke wasn't going to be too happy about this.

"Well…this sucks."

"Indeed," Kakashi agreed. He had appeared from the window she was so sure she had locked. But then again, there was no such thing as a Kakashi-proof lock.

"So, you peed your pants?" Kakashi accused.

"Well…" Sakura fidgeted, "they're actually Sasuke's. Does that still count?"

Kakashi only provided a blank stare, so she assumed that meant yes. Ignoring her, he produced his favorite work of literary art and began to read. He was too lazy to deal with his full grown, gender confused, pee pee pants student.

After several whines and complaints from Sakura, Kakashi was motivated into action. And so the sensei taught his student the ways of wizzing.

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><p>Meanwhile…<p>

The three newly gender changed shinobi were currently in Sakura's room unsupervised, which was a very rare event. All three shinobi acknowledged that there was a reason for the rarity of their time in her room. Despite their ninja standings, the temptations presented to them were far too great to resist and as a result all three had been banned.

Naruto predictably enough, had been caught rifling through her panties and other precious under garments the few times he had been allowed entry to her bedroom. Many of times, Sakura had been subject to Naruto and all his perverse glory. Even now, though they had changed teams so to speak, Naruto had jumped at the chance to invade her privacy and was joyfully cackling in a pile of bras and underwear.

Sai, on the other hand, took the invasion of Sakura's privacy to a whole new level. No matter how well hidden her diary had been, Sai had the uncanny ability to find it. It wouldn't have been so bad had he kept her secrets to himself, but that just wasn't Sai's style. He contented himself with blurting out her innermost feelings and thoughts to any who would listen. Currently speaking, he was doing just that, having found the red journal confidant.

Sasuke wasn't like the other idiots without restraint. Traitor though he was, Sasuke did have some sense of decency. So he had been most offended to find himself denied access. Clearly, Sasuke had been wronged, as his only crime had been being at the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, he had never honestly expected to see Sakura naked, though he had hoped and dreamed of such a thing on many occasions. Regardless of his questionable innocence, Sasuke had been spurned as well.

Out of the three, Sasuke was the only one not partaking in the invasion of privacy. The Uchiha had even tried to stop the others, intending on earning some brownie points. Unfortunately, no matter how many blows to the head Naruto sustained, there was no stopping the pervert. Likewise, Sai was also not one to be persuaded by physical pain. And so Sasuke had met his match.

Out of boredom, Sasuke took note of the female forms of Sai and Naruto. The alter version of Naruto was a familiar sight, so Sasuke spent little time observing the blonde bimbo. His next object of study wasn't as familiar. Sai was still the same sheen of sickly pale contrasted by pitch black hair and even darker, fathomless eyes. Thanks to the jutsu, Sai's hair was now much longer and his eyelashes were now much more pronounced. To top it off, Sai had lost some height and gained some new subtle curves. Despite the physical transformation, Sasuke was sure Sai was still a weirdo.

Next Sasuke gave himself a once over. He still had the raven hair and dark eyes expected of an Uchiha. The jutsu, however, had also affected him by replacing his once toned chest with the softness of a woman. The infamous chicken ass hair do was not withstanding leaving his longer locks to cascade wildly to the middle of his back. Sasuke realized that he looked heartbreakingly like his deceased mother, Mikoto. Just the thought alone, was enough to send him into a fog of gloom. He really needed a hug.

"Teme."

Aforementioned teme turned to regard the dobe. The blonde bombshell had ceased in the exploration of Sakura's undergarments in favor of pelting the moping teen's face with something soft. The silky object turned out to be black thong. Though Sasuke really needed a hug, he'd also settle for a thong to the face.

Not soon after, Sakura and Kakashi came barreling out of the bathroom. Freshly showered and towel adorned, Sakura froze upon seeing the crime scene. Sasuke took this time to study the changes in Sakura. The once softly shaped Konoichi was now a taller and well-built masculine masterpiece. The decidedly girly pink hair was still very much in place, though it was now shorter than before. Lastly, Sasuke's obsidian gaze met the accusing glance of viridian of orbs.

Belatedly, Sasuke realized that he had been checking out Sakura yet again. To make matters even worse, he was still in possession of the thong Naruto had assaulted him with. So yet again, Sasuke had been caught at the wrong place at the wrong time. And yet again, he was deemed a pervert.

"Uchiha!"

Sasuke winced when Sakura did not call him by the usual Sasuke-kun, as it was never a good sign. He could only hope that his new female status was enough to save him from Sakura's wrath. Guys weren't supposed to hit girls after all. But then again, Sasuke doubted that Sakura knew this, seeing as she was mystified by just peeing upright. Plus, he was sure that the age old saying didn't apply to their situation.

Karma, Sasuke decided, was a very unfair, merciless bitch.

/Fin/

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I'm sorry for the late update! The chapter is a little short as well...but it's longer than the last one. Plot wise, nothing really happened (though Sakura did pee Sasuke's pants) as this story is still in the beginning stages. But I do have plans for this story and it does have a plot, so just sit tight.

I'm also sorry for any out-of-character moments and grammatical errors. If something bothers you, just tell me, and I'll try to correct it. If you have any suggestions, I'm open as nothing is set in stone yet.

Also, thanks to the lovely **Rawrgoesdadino**, I have decided to make this a multixsaku fic. I figured that it's likely to appease all. If you have any specific people you want to see, don't be afraid to ask, because I rarely bite.

And finally, please review, fave, or alert! You don't even need an account to review and they sure as hell don't need to be long. It will only take a second for you to inspire me to slave away for hours. So please, I pathetically beg, review.

Once again, sorry for the long author's note and thank you for reading and hopefully liking this story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: **Revenge and Repercussions

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

~To my fabulous reviewers~

**freya:** Oh my god, I think I love you! We should totally get hitched and pop out a couple of kids; biological impossibilities be damned. There are no words that will ever properly express how happy you and your wonderful reviews made me. Thank you for not only complimenting my story, but myself as well. I will be continuing my other story **Waiting**, by the way, because your reviews have been just so beautiful. Thank you so much for your very kind and motivating comments! If I could somehow glomp you, I most definitely would. Once more, thank you!

**Kireicomplex:** Awww~ You're review left me feeling warm and tingly inside. Thank you so very much for also complimenting my writing style, as it does wonders for my ego. Sorry for the long wait, but I present to you, the next chapter.

**Cherryjubilee:** Cute and well-written? I swooned when I read that! Thank you so much!

**Essy-Chan:** Yay for sugary over doses! Thank you for all the wonderful, inspiring reviews! And also, thank you for the suggestions! In fact, I plan to utilize some of your ideas in the very near future. I really love and value feedback, so please keep it coming, because I would be lost otherwise. Big, sloppy kisses and even bigger bear hugs for you!

**StarKiss666:** Yes, Karma is a rather vile thing! And I'm glad you like the thought of Kakashi teaching Sakura how to pee, because you'll be seeing more of that this chapter. Thank you, for all the wonderful reviews!

**deuil0Aiseki:** Oh nos! But hey, if Sakura did it too, it's perfectly dandy for you to do so as well. By the time this chapter is through, she won't have been the only one to pee their pants. *Evil laughter* Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing and enjoying the story.

**Rawrgoesdadino:** I want to eat your face off (in a good way I assure you) I love you so much! You're reviews are always looked forward to! And thank you for the suggestions! We must be on the same wave length, because I had similar intentions for this story. I plan to employ them very soon~ Anyways, thank you so much for the suggestions and support!

**RingoHime:** Congratulations on being the first to review this chapter! I also need to apologize for not reviewing the other chapters of your fic. I haven't been on fanfiction lately because I was so busy, but I'm back now and I will soon make good on my promises. Thank you once again!

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><p>Sakura had just had one hell of a time. She had just spent the last hour of her life crammed into her nauseatingly pepto pink bathroom learning how to pee from her giggly, perverted sensei. Sure, there were worse things in life one could experience, but at the moment, Sakura could not think of any. Clan slaying evil older brothers and demon stealing criminal organizations be damned; that shit was nothing when compared to what went down in the comfort of her own home.<p>

Sakura was used to feeling embarrassed. She felt that being friends with Ino and part of Team 7 had well qualified her in the field of shame. After all, not much is worse than having your diary read aloud or having your first menstrual cycle broadcasted and declared a national crisis around the ninja world. Yes; that was pretty bad.

But this was so much worse.

You see, Sakura wasn't the fastest of learners. Brilliant as she was, she was not able to _grasp_ the concept. For some reason, she just couldn't get a _hold_ of _herself_. Literally.

"No way in hell!"

"Sakura," Kakashi tried to reason, "It's a part of you now. You're going to have to get used to it some time."

"I am not going to touch it," Sakura glared disdainfully.

"How else will you aim? You can't just go on peeing your pants every time you need to go," Kakashi yet again tried to persuade his stubborn student.

"For the last time," Sakura huffed, "those were Sasuke's pants."

"Regardless," Kakashi intoned, "You need to learn."

"Then teach me," Sakura replied indignant.

"Then grab it," Kakashi argued.

"You do it," she bantered back.

Kakashi ignored her rather suggestive comment and sighed. "Look Sakura," his lone eye focused itself steadily upon her, "Sometimes you just got to grab the bull by the horns."

"But I'm not a bull and this," she stopped to madly gesture at her new dangly bit, "is not a horn."

Eventually, Kakashi craftily convinced his student to proceed by threatening to reveal to the Uchiha the state of his pants. It really was amazing what blackmail could do.

Admittedly, Sakura had a couple of hits and misses starting out, but was able to eventually catch on. Before either of them knew it, she was able to write her name and the whole damn alphabet; she could even dot the i and cross the t. Besides turning out to be a prodigy pisser, Sakura had also left the seat up all by herself. Sadly, Kakashi had never been so proud.

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><p>After successfully conquering the art of urination, Sakura was on top of the world. Nothing could stop her and nothing could bring her down. Or so she thought, until she walked in on the panty party going on in her room.<p>

Now she kind of expected to find Naruto rummaging through her drawers. She even was able to predict Sai's perusal of her journal. But she never would have imagined for Sasuke to be in on it too.

She had thought that the emo boy would have learned from last time, but the lacy, black thong in his hands said otherwise. It was positioned rather close to his face which made her wonder if he was sniffing it or something equally weird. Then, as if his other offense wasn't enough, he had checked out her new male form in a most perverse manner.

She had really thought that the sex changes would have prohibited such behavior from her moronic friends, but she had no such luck. Privacy invaded and modesty violated, Sakura was ready to tear them each a new ass hole to go with their new parts. Unfortunately, Kakashi intervened, by evening out the score.

"Sakura pissed Sasuke's pants," Kakashi informed helpfully. Funny, but Sakura could remember Kakashi had promised to keep that little tidbit between them. What Sasuke didn't know wouldn't hurt him, she had decided.

Sasuke's reaction had been instantaneous and natural for one so enthralled by ideas of revenge; he pissed Sakura's pants.

Honestly speaking, Sasuke only wished that his response had been intentional. He hadn't even known what had transpired until Naruto's laughter had registered the fact. He was miffed about the treatment of his pants, but not enough to consider stooping to such a level simply to avenge an article of clothing. Everyone had automatically assumed he had peed as payback while in reality; he had little control over his now smaller bladder.

Karma wasn't just breaking his balls; it had taken them away completely and painted him as a pervert who pissed his pants as payback.

In the end it was Sakura who had received the last laugh, because not soon after, he found himself stuffed in a changing stall trying on frilly women's clothes. Currently, he was donning a silly, yellow sundress accompanied by even sillier yellow pumps. Yellow was noticeably not his color.

"Teme," Naruto called for his friend, asking in all seriousness while motioning to his own orange sun dress which actually suited him quite well, "Does this make my ass look big?"

Pissed as he was and feeling spiteful, Sasuke replied, "Yes, it makes you look like a fat ass."

"Tch," Naruto tutted, with a flip of his fair hair, "You're just jealous."

"Of what? Your fat ass?" Sasuke retorted to Naruto's accusation.

"Well at least I have an ass," Naruto went on the defensive, "And mine doesn't have a telephone pole up it either!"

"Dead last."

"Bastard."

"Bimbo."

"Bitch."

"Hag and dickless," the previously quiet Sai jumped into the argument. Oddly, though Naruto's nickname was now a true statement, the blonde was still just as insulted.

"Skank," Sasuke directed at Sai. Sasuke couldn't help but to notice that while he himself could not pull off yellow, there wasn't a color in the rainbow that Sai looked good in.

The jingle of a bell broke off their argument as a familiar blonde strutted in to the boutique. A heavy, floral aroma wafted its way throughout the store causing the once male trio to scrunch up their faces in mild repulsion. The new arrival had already managed to set off their newly established bitch radars.

This threat was identified as Ino Yamanaka.

"Hey," Sakura acknowledged her old rival, as she tore through a rack in search of more clothes to torture her teammates with. The pinkette had just found a black feather boa that she deemed perfect for Sasuke. Now if only she could find some platform heels that would fit his dainty, little feet; then her fantasy would be complete.

"Hey yourself," Ino's pale blue eyes took on a predatory glint as she changed courses to make her way towards Sakura. Soon enough, the bold blonde was invading Sakura's personal bubble and overpowering her with her perfume. Sakura took the time to notice the abundant cleavage presented to her and couldn't help wondering where it came from.

"You wanna know what would look good on you?" the blonde questioned while skimming through the hangers thoughtfully.

"What?" Sakura asked while discreetly retreating, a little weirded out by her friend's antics. She sincerely regretted ditching her sensei as she could really use a wingman right now.

"Me," Ino answered huskily, giving Sakura a once over that left her feeling mildly molested.

Then, in a display similar to that of a wild, starving animal, Ino pounced.

And suddenly, the once bickering threesome was now united by a common enemy.

"Who does that crazy ass hoe think she is?" Naruto asked, pivoting to better see the aforementioned crazy ass hoe.

Sai, for once, did not have any fake expressions marring his face, though he did look a bit constipated. Adorned in a sparklingly shade of brown, he looked much like a glittering, cranky chunk of crap.

Sasuke, who was also burning with ire, charged forward with every intention of getting down and dirty. He was quickly flanked by Naruto and Sai, as they attempted to strut over to the scene of the crime. It was a rather difficult task to do, considering their new elevated foot wear, but they managed with some help from the very supportive racks lining their route.

By the time they arrived, Sakura had already subdued her assailant. It seems the blossom had simply told her once nemesis of her real identity. Though, the blonde now seemed a bit embarrassed, her eyes still sparkled lustfully at the hunk of burning love that Sakura now was.

"Oh," Sakura's attention cut to the new party, "Hey guys."

Ino turned as well to regard them, but ended up giggling upon seeing their ridiculous get up. "I suppose these train wrecks would be your teammates?"

Naruto stepped forward and made a show of crossing his arms to emphasis his rather large chest. Sasuke chose to cock his hip and give the patented Uchiha glare. Sai followed suit, but ended up still looking like a perturbed piece of poop.

"Sakura, hun,"Ino paused to shamelessly lean against their teammate, "They look horrible! Sasuke looks like Big Bird and don't even get me started on Sai."

Sasuke's feathers were predictably ruffled, but Sai seemed flattered. "Thank you gorgeous."

Naruto and Sasuke each shot him a dirty look for complimenting and thanking the chick who had not only insulted them, but also planned to steal away Sakura. They had spent years, warding off all of Sakura's many suitors and no gender change was going to stop them from doing their job.

"Hmmm, you're right. Hey Ino," Sakura said before a catfight could break out, "Would you mind helping me out with them?"

Ino took this time to eye rape Sakura. "With pleasure," she rasped with a most sinister tilt of the lips.

Our heroes would never be same after this.

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><p>The weary Team 7 barely made it to Sakura's bed before they all crashed from such an exhausting day. Sakura was so far gone, she didn't even object to the sharing of her bed. Furthermore, she didn't even notice Naruto's present state of nudity.<p>

As well-intentioned as Ino had possibly been, the platinum blonde had expended all their energy for the sake of fashion. Despite, any training received as shinobi, their stamina for shopping paled in comparison to the passion the Yamanaka had. As a direct result, even Sakura who had once been a girl was unable to stand anymore. It should be said that when Ino shopped, everyone else dropped.

The she-males of Team 7 were even too tired to steam over the earlier events of the day. For all they cared, Ino could have her cake and very well eat it too. She could even have some jello too if that kept her away.

This day had been a very tiring, but teaching day. Naruto had learned to never again use a jutsu to change genders. If he ever needed to pose as a girl, he would do it the old fashion way with a wig and watermelons. He, along with Sai, also learned to respect Sakura's privacy. Sasuke learned that it was best to stay away from her room all together. And Sakura learned how to pee like a man. But most importantly, as a whole, Team 7 learned to fear Ino.

So with suicidal thoughts of never waking up, they all hit the bed in a dead sleep. They were finally at peace with the world and likewise, the world was at peace with them. But as Karma would have it, the peace wouldn't last long.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I am so sorry for updating so late! I was so damn busy this week that it's not even funny. None the less, that was no reason for me to take so long and keep you waiting. I also apologize for the quality of this chapter, as I think it's not adequate enough. I pulled two all-nighters to write this and I obsessively reread all of the wonderful reviews to motivate myself. If you are just as displeased with this chapter as I am, please keep in mind that I was very sleep deprived when I wrote this.

On that note, please review, fav, or alert. To review, you don't even need an account and a quick ':)' or even an 'update now bitch' will make me happy. Just show me you love me! And also, if you have any suggestions, please feel free to drop it in a review or pm, because I highly value your input. As whorish as this is going to sound, I aim to please you!

Also, I would like to ask that you guys visit **RingoHime**'s page and lend her some love as well. She's a very lovely person who has equally lovely stories. Go check her out and drop her a review, because everyone knows reviews make the world go round. ~Shameless advertising for her~

Once again, sorry for the incredibly long author's note and thank you for reading and hopefully liking this story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**- Bodily Functions

**A/N:** Yes, I know I'm terribly late…but you see...I got lost on the path of life...not buying it huh? Okay then...

~Now on to my favorite part where I love you all to death.~

**Warning**: Sappiness and sincerity ahead.

**Reviews:**

**Kaze and Kiba:** I have long since stalked your account and it's wonderful stories before I even had an account. To see a review from you, I nearly fainted. It was like Stephen King or James Patterson personally acknowledging me, except for all the man parts. I know it was probably a pity review, but I'll gladly take it, because I am absolutely shameless. And all the wonderful advice was much appreciated. Thank you very much!

**freya:** Sweet, wonderful freya, where have you been all my life? The kids can wait, but we must run off together. Thank you so, so much. I still plan on continuing **Waiting** and it will be out shortly, the latest being the weekend. Your reviews always make my day and put a smile on my face. On another note, I'm sure anything looked good after reading German Theoretical Grammar. I'm not all too sure what it is, but it sounds migraine inducing. I'm sorry to report, but this is another chapter that I produced with very little sleep. One day, I promise to crank out something when I'm well rested, but for now, I apologize. Thank you once again Freya.

**nomanslandvicki:** Your review broke my heart, because I realized I made you wait so long. I will make you wait no longer. Please enjoy!

**Kireicomplex:** And I love you…even if you have lost your ass to a serious case of laughter. Don't worry, we'll find it. And please don't die on me, I have enough blood on my hands as it is ;D Thank you for making me feel so loved and funny, it does wonders for my ego. And I'm sorry for making you wait, but I'm back now. Peace out and joyful reading!

**cherryjubilee:** Me a genius? Oh bless your heart, because you made me so very happy. I could die happy if it weren't for my obligations to this story. I shall knight thy for bowing and then bow right back in thanks.

**StarKiss666:** Thanks yet again for reviewing! And are you kidding me? This is Ino, of course she forbid Sakura from wearing shirts in her presence. Your review actually gave me an idea for further on in the plot, so thank you a million times over.

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** Wow, this may sound weird, but I've seen your account name pop up before when I was reviewing other people's stories long before I had an account. It really is a small world. Anywho, I'm happy to have provided a fresh twist and I hope I can continue keeping it fresh. Thank you for your wonderful review!

**Essy-Chan:** I know it's late, but here is the long awaited smothering of gratitude and the chapter. It's always such a pleasure to get a review from you, because you make me feel happier than Pooh bear with a limitless supply of honey. I feel so honored each and every time you review. Thank you so much for all your kind and supportive words and your wonderful ideas. Me love you long time!

**Samiha:** And you my dear are awesome for reviewing. Thanks! ;D

**RingoHime:** You're more than welcome chika! And you so spoiled it, but you know I'll still totally read it anyways, cuz I'm an addict like that. Thank you mucho mas for the reviews!

**Rawrgoesdadino:** Thank you for understanding. And I'm glad to have made you laugh, even if your bro thinks you're crazy now. I'm the crazy one who has written this, so I'll most likely be in the padded cell next to you. Pillowed walls sounds pretty cool to me. We'll have plenty fun. And I loved your idea. I really wanted to put in to play immediately, but I still need to get Jiraiya in the picture, because no story is complete without the ultimate pervert. I'm still kind of just goofing off, but I'll try to work that in when I start actually getting to the plot. Thank you once again! ;D

**SanDavis687:** Congratz on being the first to review! And thank you for the review. I hope to continue doing a good job. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

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><p>After the traumatizing events of the day before, Naruto found himself hesitant to open his eyes. Had he been able to, he would have happily hid away from the evils of reality. Unfortunately, the sun blazing through Sakura's sad excuse of a curtain and the blaring of her incessantly loud alarm clock seemed determined to rouse him from the safety of sleep. On top of that, Naruto's nose was currently plagued by a rather pungent odor of rust.<p>

And don't even get him started on that mysteriously hard object pressing all up on him.

But as much as he wanted to ride it out in the fetal position, he knew it wasn't possible. Besides, he was the future Hokage of Konoha and he refused to run away like some yellow bellied, pissy, stick-up-the-ass, weird haired, unappealingly pale, scowling, girly, revenge-crazed, baby-faced, two-faced bastardous bastard. And everyone thought Sasuke was the one with resentment issues.

After getting back on task from his Sasuke hate fest, Naruto steeled his nerve and threw open his eyelids to reveal his hard-not-to-love baby blues. Momentarily blinded, Naruto had to wait as his eyes adjusted to the harsh morning light that had flooded Sakura's bedroom. The first object to come into his field of vision was that damn flimsy curtain that obviously failed at life and blocking the sun. It seemed the lacey fabric's sole purpose was to hang there and fascinate Sakura with its girly prettiness…like someone else Naruto knew.

Seeing as Naruto does have A.D.D., he began to draw more offending similarities between his rival and the curtain. Ultimately, Naruto decided that if the curtain blocked the sun in the same manner that Sasuke cock blocked for Sakura, the room would be the darkest place known to man besides the heart of an Uchiha. Snapping out of yet another tirade, he made a note to purchase Sakura a much more reliable and preferably orange curtain to replace her current one.

Further observation revealed that Naruto was being spooned by someone. This someone was revealed to be Sakura, due to the pink arm hair sprouting from the pale male arm presently ensnaring his now womanly waist. Naruto had constantly dreamed of a moment uncannily like this, but the roles had been reversed. Still all things considered, it was nice.

Having solved one mystery, Naruto had a pretty good guess as to what that mysterious hard thing was. Shikamaru he was not, but even he knew enough to piece together the clues. Newly gender changed Sakura spooning him plus mysterious hard object obviously equals morning wood.

Quickly moving on to the next mystery, Naruto glanced down at his naked form only to freeze at the blood-chilling revelation before his relatively innocent eyes. He vaguely remembered stripping down before turning in, but he in no way was able to recollect massacring a small group of people.

Blood. All over him. Everywhere.

On that note, Naruto screamed bloody menstrual cycle.

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><p>Sakura and the others were awoken by a high pitched, annoying shriek. Upon jolting into consciousness, they scrambled away from the huge human pile they had become in the midst of the night. Medic training kicking in, Sakura began scanning everyone for injuries only to discover that they were all covered in blood.<p>

Naruto in the meanwhile, whom she belatedly realized was hollering something to the extent of it being all Sasuke's fault, was as bare as the day he was born. The accused was too shocked to deny his involvement in such bloodshed. Even Sai had a peculiar look on his face, too frozen by disbelief to crack his trademark creeper expression.

Sometime during the excursion, Sakura's eyes found themselves latched onto the sight of her crotch, or rather the tent that had been pitched there. It seems that even she had not escaped the blood bath on her bed unscathed as she too sported quite a deal of repulsive red. It was at this point that Sakura joined in on the screaming, her past medical and shinobi training be damned.

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><p>"Vaginal bleeding!"<p>

Got your attention huh? Unfortunately, Sakura's exclamation also caught everyone else's attention in the Hokage tower. Not that she gave two shits anymore, but her embarrassed teammates shuffling behind her would have appreciated a more discreet approach.

After eventually calming down enough, Sakura had been able to explain that no one had been hurt or killed. She then went on to give an informative speech to all of them on the menstrual cycle, which evolved into a discussion about the birds and the bees. It was just as awkward as it sounded and you can only count your lucky stars that you weren't there when she started making uncomfortable hand gestures and unfitting analogies.

Shortly after Sakura chopped down her morning wood so to speak, the four young shinobi set out on the yellow brick road to the wizard of Konoha; a.k.a. Tsunade. Due to the recent happenings, Sakura felt confident that they would no longer be pushed to the back burner. For all she cared, those time consuming village elders could go rot in a shallow grave, because there was a trio of potentially pmsing deadly ninjas on the loose.

Finally arriving to their destination, Sakura was happy to observe that her mentor was blessedly not drunk. Not so blessedly, she noticed her shishou grab a bottle upon seeing their faces.

"Shishou," Sakura snatched the bottle for herself, "We need your help."

"It depends," the hazel eyed woman regarded her apprentice with a mischievous expression, "Which old geezer did you kill? Was it both?"

"You wish," Sakura muttered taking a generous swig of the strong alcohol, "The boys are officially women now."

Tsunade's eyes widened considerably, "Sakura," she admonished, "Did you at least remember your raincoat?"

Sakura shot her sensei a baffled look after pointedly glancing at the sunny sky displayed in the window.

Tsunade rephrased her question, "Did you slip it on before you slipped it in?"

All members of team seven gave an unending look of utter confusion.

"Damn it!" Tsunade growled, misinterpreting their silence, "I'm too damn sexy and ridiculously good looking to be anyone's old granny! How could you fools forget to use protection?"

"Wha-" Sakura sputtered, "Shishou we didn't- Oh Kami no! With Naruto? Really? What the hell Shishou?"

"I know you weren't thinking; it's pretty obvious," Tsunade snapped, "And don't go blaming this all on Naruto either."

"Shishou," Sakura finally regained her composure, though a blush still burned prominently on her pale visage, "We didn't use protection, because we didn't have sex."

"If you weren't the one popping their cherries," Tsunade shifted forward conspiringly, "Then who did? Was it that closet man whore Kakashi?"

It was no act of teamwork, when all four teens paled simultaneously.

"Tsunade-sama," Sakura was careful to punctuate her next works so as to get the point into her teacher's head, "No. One. Had. Sex."

"No one?" Tsunade narrowed her eyes in suspension.

"No one," Sakura clarified, "No cherries have been popped. Everyone is still very much a virgin."

"Well I don't know about you losers, but I am well versed in the act of-," Naruto's snide comment was abruptly cut off by Sasuke's fist.

"Anyways," Sakura shot a scornful look at Naruto and an appreciative nod to his assailant, "the boys started their periods."

"Oh," Tsunade flopped back into her chair, no longer fearing impending pregnancies, "Well damn."

"Yes, damn it all to hell," Sakura sighed, "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Me?" Tsunade emphasized.

"No, not you; the other busty alcoholic chick in charge," Sasuke broke his previous silence to retort.

Ignoring the irritable Uchiha, Tsunade addressed her pupil, "Look, I don't have time to deal with this crap, so it's all on you kiddo."

"But-," Sakura began, only to be coolly dismissed by her mentor.

Trudging out of the Hokage's office, Sakura contemplated what possible evil she had committed to deserve such a cruel fate. Was it because she stole all the soaps and privacy signs at hotels? Surely it wasn't because she was a ninja and had contributed to the death of other human beings, because that was just preposterous. It was probably payback for the irrational and undeserved death of door number four. Either way, there was no way she could have possibly pissed karma off this bad.

But she must have, because why else would she find herself served on a silver platter by her sensei to a pack of rabid, pmsing bitches? Exactly.

Sakura Haruno had officially gotten on Karma's shit list.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So there is the long overdue chapter 5. I am still just so very sorry about the lateness. You guys have just been so wonderful to me and I really don't deserve it. I only hope that you accept my apology.

I have a laundry list of reasons why I was absent for so long, but I'll skip the excuse making and just promise to not let this happen again. I would also like to apologize for this rather pathetic chapter. It's not my best, but for now it was all I could do.

In breaking News, I recently took part in **Shelby Sabaku's** contest (which has generated so many lovely fics that you should totally check out). I've been so busy, I barely had the time to crap out a fic for it. And yes, as expected, it's crap, but if you're interested, it's called **The One**. It is a Deidara x Sakura pairing and based kind of on the song **The One That Got Away** by **Katy Perry** (which is stuck in my head). I am very tempted to delete it and rewrite it, but that will have to wait a bit. Anyways, **Chapter 6** will be out shortly after I finish off my other fic **Waiting** with the happy ending everyone's been asking for. I will also be cooking up some new stories for you all, so keep a watch out. ~So much shameless advertising~

And please, though I really don't deserve it, **please review** or **fav** or **alert** to show me some love. Reviews really make my day and make it worth writing. And I'm always open to advice and ideas. I see this as your story as much as it is mine (because in reality, none of us own Naruto), so feel free to voice your opinions.

Thank you guys once again for all the support. **Love y'all!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Periods, Perverts, and Plot**

**Hello,**

Did you miss lil' ol' me?...Wait….Do you even remember me? If you don't, I can't say I blame you. In my defense though, Sasuke has been gone way longer than me and Naruto and Sakura still want his crazy ass back. Just sayin'. ;D

And yeah…I know that I totally suck for disappearing after just promising to update faster. I really suck and I'm soooo sorry. I really, truly am.

I really have no excuses either. Life's been fantastic, my schedule's been open, and the creative juices have been flowing. I just…(*cue the violins as I prepare to cry*) couldn't. I would open up the document with every intention of working the night away, but then freeze. Sometimes I would type something only to erase it immediately because it didn't look right. And it absolutely killed me, because I live to write.

I haven't even been on fanfic in a while because I felt so guilty. Quitting crossed my mind quite a few times as I'm not gifted with a 'will of fire'. But then I remembered how heartbroken I had been when any story I was reading was left unfinished. I couldn't do that to you guys; especially after how great you've been to me.

So here I am.

**~Now on to the part I like best!**

Thanks to all who have alerted, faved, or/and reviewed! I forget how many, but I have quite a lot of people who have faved and alerted this. There are even some that faved me as an author! *cue flailing about* Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

**~And to my faithful reviewers~**

**Essy-Chan:** Yay! It's been a while since I smothered you in gratification! Much too long! I'm really sorry about my disappearing act! What can I say? I'm a magician, it's what we do…okay I'm not really a magician, but you get the point. I didn't listen when you said not to talk to strangers ;D Any who, the thought of the gender swapped team 7 on the cover of Icha Icha gave me a good bout of the giggles. I find that I liked that idea a great deal! Thank you so much for your input and funny reviews that make me feel all smiley. I honesty heart you dear!

**SanDavis687**: Love is a very strong word. Thank you!

**RawrGoesDaDino:** Owwie! Harry Potter books are big! That must have hurt! And if you thought your last idea was bad, what must you think of my story? I think the time travel me wrote this next chapter just to spite me for eating the last cookie. And I managed to squeeze someone in~ It's not much, but I plan to do so much more; so much! I really liked the idea of bringing in more characters *hint hint for future chapters*. So gracias! And thank you for screaming! Wait that sounded weird didn't it? Oh well! ;D

**RingoHime:** Thanks! And I'm sorry it's so late. And I tried to make this one longer, but I had a hard enough time as it is. I'm sorry! I promise that the next chapter will be longer and more centered on the boys becoming women!...or I promise to at least try! Thank you once again for your faithful reviews!

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** lol! I read a lot too! I go so far as to read other people's reviews. I'm a nut like that! But thank you for your review! This is more of a filler chapter but it has a little bit of redeeming plot at the end. I'm sorry for the suckiness of it, but I tried. :D

**StarKiss666:** That there is an interesting and somewhat disturbing idea! You do realize you just gave my over active imagination a great amount of ammo? A dangerous mixture indeed! Thank you! Big XOXO's

**Kaze and Kiba:** You blush! I'm about to burn down a building my cheeks are so flaming! I'm glad to have made your year! You're updates have made mine tons of times! And you're review! Are you trying to kill me with happiness, because I think it's working! Thank you for all the ideas too! I wasn't up to par for this chapter, so it's suckish at best, but I have plans and plots and lots of other words that begin with p for later chapters. And, I have sooo much to catch up on reading wise! I see lots of updates just calling my name! Thanks!

**Kireicomplex:** Oh my ass I did! And then I kept you waiting…I'm sorry! Your review had my face hurting for a while, my smile was that big. Thank you so much for that! I had really needed a pick me up and that there did the trick! You rock my red socks!...Not the baseball team…my actual socks that are red ;D

**~Now on to the story!**

* * *

><p>"Did you find everything you need?" the clerk intoned as she began to dutifully scan Sakura's items.<p>

Sakura gave a nod in affirmation distractedly as she read the newest piece of juicy gossip in a trashy magazine that she had no intention of buying. According to the bubbly hot pink font of the headline, the puppet master Sasori was alive and kicking; or in his case killing. Seeing as she helped put the guy (or what was left of him) six feet under, she couldn't hold back her snort at such a ridiculous claim. As if she would pay to read such lies. Nonetheless, Sakura found herself consumed with the need to read about the dead red head.

Beep

Beep

Beep

"…Uh…" The clerk began awkwardly, "this sure is a lot of pads and tampons…"

Sakura again gave a noncommittal nod.

Beep

Beep

Beep

"Seriously. This is a lot of womanly products," the clerk yet again commented unnecessarily with a snide tone.

Beep

Beep

Beep

"Are going to pay for that? Are you even going to pay for all these pads and tampons" Again with that condescending tone.

Sakura's green eyes twitched in annoyance behind the glossy magazine pages. She had already endured a lifetime of judging glances and snarky remarks. The last thing she needed was for some hussy to interrupt her shameless reading time with redundant comments. That being said, Sakura reluctantly parted from the magazine and prepared to rant about the unfairness of karma.

As luck or maybe karma herself would have it, she didn't get that far.

"Oh…You're really…Wow," the young brunette fumbled, suddenly flustered in Sakura's new manly presence, "I couldn't really see you behind that magazine before."

Sakura could only sigh in annoyance and reach for her wallet. "How much do I owe you?"

Totally ignoring Sakura's question, the girl batted her lashes and pushed her chest out. "What are you doing tonight?" she rasped out seductively. This only served to worsen Sakura's mood as she was reminded that her night would most likely be spent catering to her pmsing pals.

Repressing a growl of irritation and brandishing her pointer finger with authority, Sakura was about to blow. "Look here Ms.-" she paused briefly to glance at the girl's name tag, but instead got a glimpse of her-, "B-B-Boobs…"

"E-Excuse me," the woman stuttered and pulled away. To her credit, she actually had the decency to be slightly offended. Sakura on the other, crappier hand was completely mortified by her own actions. She had just checked out the check-out lady after all.

With that disturbing revelation, Sakura high tailed it out of there with her unpaid for products in tow.

* * *

><p>So the honest-to-goodness, holier-than-thou Sakura found herself fleeing the scene of a crime with bags upon bags of stolen merchandise while the succubus of a cashier followed in hot pursuit. To be honest, Sakura wasn't sure if the girl chasing her meant to stop the mini-crime spree or obtain her phone number. Either way, there was no way Sakura was about to stop and let that demon woman work her wicked magic again.<p>

Faced with imminent embarrassment, our favorite gender swapped pinkette made a daring dash and escaped into…

"Welcome to Ya-….that's a Choji-load of time of the month crap…"

…the Yamanaka Flower Shop.

"Stuff it piggy," Sakura huffed nearly out of breath and totally out of her mind. Thankfully her ninja instincts kicked in, flipping the open sign around and dimming the lights right before Ms. Boobs streaked past.

"Well it's nice to see you too Forehead," Ino retaliated casually, emerging from behind the counter, "but it would be even nicer to see you shirtless."

Sakura gave pause only long enough to shoot her purring friend a look that managed to convey her disgust at Ino's obvious flirting attempt, her cat impersonation, and for the general lewdness that Ino seemed to exude. Miraculously, the non-verbal communication took place in under a second. Let it be said that powers of friend/enemy-ship are boundless. Just look at Naruto and Sasuke.

"Have it your way," Ino tossed her hands in the air in defeat, "So what's up? Did you hold a shoot-up and make off with everything in the tampon aisle at the market?"

Silence.

"Haruno Sakura," aforementioned Sakura cringed at the use of her full name.

"It was nothing like that!" When Ino remained unconvinced, Sakura continued to desperately defend, "There were no guns involved and I didn't take everything in the aisle. I left a box of pads because they were already opened."

"So," Ino challenged, gesturing at the poorly hidden loot, "you did steal all of these though."

Sakura was indignant, "I like to think of it as borrowing."

"Yeah, because I'm sure it's just fine and dandy to hand them back all bloody and gross," the blonde snorted much like her pet name.

"I never said they'd be in mint condition," Sakura half-heartedly argued, "What am I going to do? They're going to cart me off to jail. I'm too pretty for jail Ino!"

"Well you can always not drop the soap. Sasuke managed just fine," Sakura looked about ready to faint, "Don't get your banana hammock in a twist dear. I'm sure Tsunade will pardon you. If not, I'm sure your train wreck tranny teammates will bust you out. And you're a ninja remember?"

"You're right…Thanks Ino," Sakura gave a genuine smile and proceeded to have a heartfelt moment gazing into her rival's blue eyes.

"Uh Forehead," Ino said wearily. It was then that Sakura realized her eyes were no longer locked onto Ino's.

"Ah damn it all to hell," Sakura bemoaned and swiftly evacuated yet again.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

The lovely Hyuuga heiress was taking an evening stroll around Konoha when she spotted the familiar pink locks of her friend on a not-so-familiar body. Frowning, the timid girl debated if she should venture to say hi. As it turns out, her debating was futile as the male version of Sakura charged her way.

Just as she was about to wave her hand in greeting, the pink haired male put on the breaks, dropped his eyes to her chest, and then backtracked while howling something along the lines of 'not again'. Confused and mildly violated, Hinata scuttled back to the safety and normalcy of the Hyuuga complex. Evening strolls, she decided, were way over rated.

* * *

><p>Now in the relatively safe confines of the Hokage tower, Sakura was free to mutter like the insane nutcase she was. "First, that check out lady, then Ino of all people. Oh and poor Hinata! She must think I'm a total pervert. Who am I kidding? I'm just as bad as that old lecherous sage!"<p>

"You should cut yourself some slack kid. Being a young shinobi is hard enough. Add a gender bending jutsu and the shit tends to hit the fan."

As if summoned by his name, the infamous Jaraiya popped into her peripheral and gave her a pat on the back. The rosette was amazed to note that his notoriously wandering hands were staying clear of her butt for once. Then again, ever since that jutsu, she wasn't really his type anymore. However, if Orochimaru were alive to see her right now…well one can only wish the image away and try therapy with Ibiki. It seemed to work well enough for Sasuke.

Back to the present, Sakura and Jaraiya were sharing a manly bonding moment full of testosterone and machoness when Jaraiya went and ruined it all with the line, "Now that we've got that settled, let's go see how Tsunade's knockers are hanging."

Already sickened by the mere thought, Sakura stuck with her current theme of the day and fled once more, criminal status and pleas for pardon pushed to the back burners of her mind.

But if she had been able to stomach staying for a bit longer, she would have seen Jaraiya's leering smirk fade into a grim line as he stepped into the Hokage's office with a familiar magazine in hand.

"You honestly believe that crap," the busty, bold blonde spit, balefully staring at the cute font of the alleged headline.

In response, Jaraiya slapped down several photos of varying quality with one defining similarity; black cloaks with red clouds.

"They're back."

**/Fin/**

**Author's Note:** Well that's that. There wasn't anything with the boys/girls, but there was a bit of plot beginning to show at the very end. And I have plans for Sai, Sasuke, and Naruto; they weren't just sitting patiently during Sakura's ordeal. Ku ku ku~

Once again, I am very sorry! I'm really going to try my hardest to update more, but I can't make any promises. I feel a little better having finished this, but I'm still not happy with this chapter at all. I didn't edit it, on the account that I might have been inclined to erase the whole damn thing. I truly am sorry if it sucks!

I know that I don't deserve your support, but please show your love! It really means so much to me. So please review, fav, alert, and all that good stuff that makes me burst with happiness. You guys are golden! Hope I made you all smile at least once.

**Until next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:** Meanwhile

**A/N:** The love has been raining down! All the wonderful alerts, favs, and reviews make me so happy! I'm now on the favorite author list of six people! Can you imagine how long I screamed in joy? I've about lost my voice, I'll tell you that much. **Thank you guys!**

**~To my reviewers~**

**RawrGoesDaDino:** As you may can tell from my long and rambling pm, I loved your long and rambling review. Two peas in a pod! Thank you for taking the time to show your support. It means mucho lots to me. I was a bit worried that my absence would lose everyone who had once tuned in, but you proved me otherwise. And I really hope I didn't keep you waiting this time. I tried my damned hardest, I swear. This is kind of a recap from the pm, but just know I love** you lots!**

**SanDavis687:** I put a grin on my face every time I see you review. My ego is swollen in the most contented of ways. Thanks! ;D And though Tsunade doesn't make a reappearance here, I'm sure you're going to love Sakura's reaction next chapter when they meet up again. ~I'm so evil!~

**StarKiss666:** Indeed! I can't wait to bring in Akatsuki, the artists in particular! This is a rough estimate, but I predict that they'll show up in 2 or 3 more chapters. I really think those two will heat things up! LoL! And I loved your ideas! I wanted to ask just to make sure, but is it okay if I use them? I'd give due credit of course along with lots of love. ;D And you're right, Neji and the others need some screen time as well! We can't have team 7 just hog the show! Thank you very much!

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** Poor Sakura! Don't you worry though, the boys had it rough too. I present to you a chapter with the purpose of torturing the boys. Thanks for the review!

**animeXtenshiXhime829:** Why hello there! First, I have to thank you for all the loving! And your lovely review? It made me feel equally lovely! I'm so glad you enjoyed this! It makes me feel bubbly when I make people happy~ And you can expect lots of more Akatsuki, girl power and cute, gender bended Sakura from me. Personally, I think it's a recipe for laughs and I do like causing those. And if you're greedy, than I am the freakin' scrooge, because I live for reviews like yours! Oh, and I tried to pack in more pmsing action in, but time slipped away from me. Worry not, for I expect tons next chapter which shouldn't take too long to whip out! Thank you for understanding my absence and missing me! To kind of quote Naruto, "Home is the place where people miss you." Well then, I must be home huh? I'm so geeky quoting Naruto lines; I probably messed up the quote too! Oh well! Anyways, thank you for that fantastic review!

**xoulblade:** Karma just seems to be pwning everybody in this fic! Thank you for the review and thanks for faving me as an author. I freaked with happiness, I really did! Thanks! Your wish is my command; I bring you the next update!

**Kaze and Kiba:** My love for you only grows day by day! And yes, I plan to add in a dash of Akatsuki to mix things up a bit. And please forgive me! I didn't ask you because I was on a time crunch. I borrowed/stole an idea of yours. You had mentioned Naruto blaming Kakashi for henging as him and running up his tab at Ichiraku's in **Finders Keepers** and I put a snippet in here saying like wise. I'm really so sorry! I'll ask for permission if there is ever a next time and I pointed out credit to you in the bottom. I really meant it as a way to pay tribute to you, because I honestly think the world of you and your stories. And if I offended you, please forgive me, I know not what I do! Anywho, thank you for taking the time to give me support, because it means a whole lot to me! ;D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. I'm just a fan; a very crazy fan.

**~Now action!~**

* * *

><p>Sai wasn't stupid. If anything, he'd like to believe he was located on the opposite side of the spectrum. Admittedly, the ex-root member was prone to committing idiotic acts, but most of that can be chalked up to his unorthodox childhood which resulted in a lack of general knowledge regarding human emotions. Even so, Sai knew well enough to steer clear of Naruto and Sasuke when Sakura was missing from the equation.<p>

So the moment Sakura stepped out of the door, Sai had scuttled into the relatively safe confines of her room leaving Naruto and Sasuke to their pissing contests and death matches. Tucked away in the darkest corner Sakura's room had to offer, the artist browsed through Sakura's red bound diary yet again. Sure Sakura would give him hell for invading her privacy once more, but he was sure there was nothing a little blackmail couldn't solve. Besides, it was her own fault for documenting her very entertaining, secret thoughts and then picking a poor place to hide it all. Underneath a pillow? Really?

Sai gave a little victorious smirk as he congratulated himself on his record time. That little victorious smirk morphed into a full on creepy smile as he began to soak in all the juicy information of her latest entry. Can someone say jackpot?

Unfortunately, the heavens sought to harsh his mellow as the various shouts and crashing noises began to escalate so much so that his reading ability was compromised. Ignoring his profound urge to confront those who dared to poop upon his party, he further retreated into the stuffy storage space that was home to Sakura's collection of conservative clothes. Sai had entered the closet and he wasn't planning on coming out of it anytime soon.

* * *

><p>Naruto was dumber than the average moron and easily riled. So upon Sakura's exit, it came with little surprise to those reading that he took great offence to the presence of Sasuke's face. The visage's superior prettiness and overall Sasuke-ness were at the top of his list for reasons it pissed him off. Adding to his nonsensical anger, Naruto had the sneaking suspicion that Sasuke used this advantage to garner the undeserved affections of his one true love other than ramen. So without further thought on the matter, Naruto proceeded to attempt cold blooded murder via fluffy throw pillow.<p>

"What the hell?" Sasuke could only scowl. Prior to Naruto's assault he had been innocuously occupying his favorite spot in Sakura's armchair with every intention of staying far from the pink danger zone known as Sakura's bedroom. That was before things went awry.

"Cut the crap," Sasuke growled as he tried to fight off the rather hard hits of the supposedly soft object. Naruto, for his part, remained unusually silent which sort of scared Sasuke a bit; not that he would ever admit that.

"Dobe," Sasuke choked nervously as he bobbed and weaved, "I'm serious."

Apparently the blonde was too, as the barrage only continued with increasing force and accuracy. Tired of getting his ass whooped by a pink polka-dotted pillow, the ravenette resorted to taking up his own fluffy and floral weapon. Far from the glory that is Kusanagi, Sasuke only continued to get his ass whooped.

"Sakura's going to be so pissed if you mess up my face," Sasuke blurted, unknowingly adding fuel to the fire. Numerous valuables met their untimely demise in the face of Naruto's wrath, "Where in the hell is that perverted and unprofessional teacher when you need him?"

"Somebody call?" the aforementioned perverted and unprofessional teacher intoned with a dryness that rivaled crackers. Not moving from his perch on the windowsill, he watched his former male students flail around with barely veiled amusement. It was not every day Hatake Kakashi bared witness to two hot chicks duking it out via pillow fight. He could only imagine what Jaraiya would pay to see this.

"Sensei," Sasuke whined, resorting to the use of respective titles.

"Perverted and unprofessional," Kakashi only reminded, motioning to himself.

Sincerely regretting his remark and desperate for help, Sasuke tried to redirect his statement, "I was talking about that weirdo Yamato, not you."

"So now I'm the perverted and unprofessional one?"

"A weirdo too," Kakashi gleefully added. Sasuke could only curse his misfortune as he hadn't even seen the wood style user appear. Normally, Yamato would intervene, but Sasuke had a feeling he had just screwed himself over royally.

"A week's salary says Naruto wins," the brunette responded in a cold tone unfitting the scene of a girly pillow fight.

"You're on," Kakashi replied heatedly. His obsessive dedication to all things Icha Icha had really cleaned him out financially. So much so, he had been forced to henge as his ramen loving student to scam a meal from Ichiraku's. He didn't know how much longer he could stomach pigging out on ramen repeatedly though, "Sasuke use your sharingan!"

Doing what his sensei commanded for once, the boy's trusted eyes flared to life and began to analyze his opponent for weaknesses. Smirking evilly, the avenger began to solely target his menstruating rival's newly instated ovaries. As the self-proclaimed next hokage grimaced, Sasuke decided that revenge was best served by throw pillow.

Not to be out done, Yamato began to coach as well, "Naruto make some clones!"

Not long afterwards, the small space of Sakura's living room was filled with busty blonde bimbos intent on pummeling one Uchiha Sasuke.

"Hit him with a chidori," Kakashi shouted, standing in excitement. Sasuke executed the jutsu flawlessly obliterating the doppelgangers.

"Rasengan his ass!" Yamato bellowed, shoving at Kakashi. On command, a whirling blue sphere appeared in the tan palm of Naruto who still had yet to utter a word.

"Counter with chidori," the copy-cat nin instructed though Sasuke beat him to it as the sound of a thousand birds began to crackle.

The two met with an explosion that destroyed Sakura's living room and any remaining dignity they once had. Having escaped the blast for the most part, Kakashi practically roared, "Finish him!"

"Uh," Yamato was pretty much drawing a blank at this point, "Release the kyuubi!"

At such an outlandish and extreme command, all parties leveled him a blank look communicating their shared consensus on his lack of sanity. Flustered, Yamato tried to correct himself, "I meant bust out Sexy no Jutsu on that motherfu-!"

"Nooo!" Sasuke interrupted remembering what had happened the last time his idiot friend had decided to change genders near him. With quick thinking, Sasuke used his ultimate substitution technique; Kakashi.

Unprepared, Kakashi went sailing at Sasuke's target as the boy caved into his traitor nature and threw him. Just like before, light enveloped the surrounding area, blinding even the sharingan. And for once in his life, Hatake Kakashi had perfect timing.

"Kaka-sensei," Naruto had the gall to utter even as Kakashi's mismatched eyes promised murder, "You really look hot."

* * *

><p>After destroying what was left of Sakura's living room, beating his traitorous trophy student like there was no such thing as CPS, attempting to kill a certain knucklehead, and practically robbing Yamato of the bet money, Kakashi was exhausted and dead sexy.<p>

Sasuke and Naruto could only thank their lucky stars that Kakashi's transformation had rendered him temporarily without chakra. Their luck held out when nothing else appeared to have changed as the added assault of an angered Yamato would have only hurt more. While it would have been nice to magically be a real boy again, Sasuke was just fine as long as nothing else went downhill.

Surveying the damage done and estimating his chances of Sakura believing him when he blamed Sasuke, Naruto decided the outlook wasn't particularly good. According to his calculations, the odds were stacked against him ever living long enough to pass on his legacy. Mathematically gifted he was not, but even he knew Sakura's wrath was imminent once everything was added up.

"Truce?" Naruto directed at Sasuke having forgotten long ago the reason for their scuffle. He was Naruto; did he really need a reason to beat the crap out of someone?

Still numb with pain, Sasuke accepted despite his tendency to hold grudges, "Let's split. Maybe she'll think Sai did it."

All those present happily agreed to flee the crime scene. But before leaving, the gender swapped males caved into their cravings and raided the kitchen. Not a damn bread crump was left.

* * *

><p>As mentioned previously, Sai was not stupid. So when his pissed off pink haired teammate happened upon him, he happily informed her that it wasn't his fault. Judging by her flaring nostrils and dilated eyes, that wasn't what she wanted to hear.<p>

"Sai," her voice trembled in barely restrained rage, "Get out of the closet."

Also previously mentioned, Sai had no intention of coming out of the closet. That being established, he slammed the door in her face and prayed for the best.

Let it be known, Sai wasn't stupid; he was downright suicidal.

**/Fin/**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Poor Sai. I pity them all really. Anyways, I updated as quick as I could. Though I tried, this is just short of my goal of 2 thousand words. Maybe next time huh? It also didn't have anything going on plot wise, but I just wanted to show you what the boys/girls were up to while Sakura was out and about.

I also published a little ficlet called **Therapy With Ibiki**. I wrote it about two years ago, but just recently remembered it after I wrote chapter 6. Check it out if you want, because I would be super thankful. **~Shameless advertising~**

I would also like to mention that I plan to publish a Naruto x Sakura one shot called **Craddle Robber**. It's an old idea concept with what I hope to be a fresh twist. You can expect it out in the next two to three days if all is well. **~Even more shameless advertising~**

And I need to pay credit to all my wonderful reviewers who gave me so many marvelous ideas. I have so many things cooked up for further on. And I want to credit the idea of Kakashi posing as Naruto and eating on his tab idea to **Kaze and Kiba**. Her wonderful story **Finders Keepers** mentions this and I wanted to pay tribute to her and her wonderful stories. If you haven't already, you need to check out her account because her stories are must-read classics for those who enjoy a kick-ass Sakura. **~So much shameless advertising~**

And please don't forget to drop me some love as well. **Please review, alert and fav**, because as I always blubber, it makes me one happy camper. Tell me your favorite parts, the parts you didn't like or point out mistakes I made. Your input and ideas are always welcomed and greatly appreciated. **Thank you guys!**

**Much love, Dotti3**

**P.S**.- As if this isn't long enough right? I've been noticing several authors make comments regarding the possible crack down by Fanfiction. I've also noticed many have made back up plans to publish their stories. If anyone knows what this is about, please tell me. Should I be worried as well? Any information is appreciated. **Thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:** The Norm before the Storm

Hello there! I'm sorry if this is a little late. I meant to update yesterday, but life's been a little turbulent lately. But here we are again. Before we get started, I have to thank everyone who has faved, alerted, and reviewed this;** you guys are awesome**!

**~To my reviewers~**

**JeanyDeiXzz:** I am at a lost for how to thank you! I am just so flattered that you took the time to read and review all of my stories and fav me. It makes me happy to know I made you laugh; especially when you were having a bad day. I was having a bad day too before I read your reviews. They really cheered me up and made me smile, so thank you so much for that. I can only hope to repay you by continuing to make you smile and laugh. I'll try my best! Just for you, I added in a little Jiraiya snippet! I tried to put in Sai too, but he was too busy hiding in the closet lol! I really hope you like this one. Once again, thank you for all the love and support! ;D

**Shukuga:** Thanks for the compliments! And your review was very enlightening; I'll have to keep that in mind for future reference. And the thought of Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, and Kakashi pregnant at the same time terrifies me! At the same time, it makes me laugh because I can imagine so many funny scenarios. Examle: Kid – Mommy read me a story! Kakashi- *Starts reading from Icha Icha* Omg! I'm so going to write that! Somehow, Someway! Thanks for the input!

**musguian:** I'm glad you two liked it. I love making people laugh. As corny as it sounds, it's why I write! Thank you for the review and I hope I don't disappoint ;D Happy reading!

**Essy-Chan:** Yay! I'm so happy you're back to haunt me folevar! And there is no need to apologize, I totally understand because I have a bad habit of talking to strangers and then disappearing for a while. In my defense, strangers always have the best candy. How else did Orochimaru lure Sasuke to Sound? But I try to remember your advice; I'll never go anywhere near any suspicious old guys that look like Bieber, no matter how tempting the candy is. And I love the cat fight idea! So lol worthy! As always, thank you for your funny and lengthy reviews and all the ideas you have given me! And thanks for telling me about the crackdown. I'm so sorry about your two stories! I can't imagine how much that sucks! After you told me that, I went and backed up everything just in case, so once again thanks! Oh and I have a little surprise for you at the bottom! ;D

**Kaze and Kiba:** Indeed, any responsibility Kakashi had vanished a long time ago. But that's why everyone loves him. Thank you for always being so kind and supportive! Not only are you a phenomenal writer, but you're a great person as well. I honestly appreciate it!

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** Lol! I think I write this to satisfy my urge to inflict womanly pain upon men. I cannot begin to count the times I've wished for guys to have to walk in our shoes for a day. More suffering to come~ Thank you for reviewing!

**~Now on to the story~**

* * *

><p>After her harrowing experience of obtaining (she still refused to call it stealing) womanly supplies and the "sight" seeing that followed, Sakura barely managed to trudge home. When she finally stumbled through the threshold, she was met with the realization that she no longer had a home as her humble abode had been thoroughly thrashed and ransacked.<p>

As she mentally tallied the damage done, Sakura's bad mood only darkened. She also noticed that some things were missing; namely her food, her entire living room and any sanity she had left. The majority of Team 7 was also among the items unaccounted for. Using a bit of detective work, Sakura arrived at the conclusion that she would soon be on the market for another team as she didn't believe her current one would survive her wrath.

Sensing Sai's chakra signal in her closet, she stormed over with every intention of sparing the strange she-male (Sai's ink creations came in handy when you were in the process of tracking down and taking out the shinobi world's finest). That was until the previously mentioned strange she-male defiantly shut the door in her face.

At this point in time, Sakura wanted to do very bad things to Sai. The pinkette mentally noted that Ibiki would be proud of the torture about to ensue. With brutal murder on her mind, Sakura reached for the closet door with an expression befitting that of the clown from It. The Exorcist had nothing on the amount of scary that was about to go down.

Just as Sakura's hand clenched hold of the door knob, an anbu poofed into existence before her. This effectively interrupted the impending killing spree and saved Sai's miserable life. It would seem that someone up there liked the pasty painter; that or they got a kick out of seeing him screw up and suffer continuously.

Apparently the suffering was on hold as Sakura had been advised to report to the Hokage immediately. Even after the threat was long gone, Sai refused to come out of the closet.

* * *

><p>"Sensei," Naruto directed an adoring look toward the older woman, "I think I love you."<p>

"That's nice Naruto," Kakashi attempted to brush off his student's affections.

"No seriously," the blonde broad continued, "I absolutely love you. I want to have your babies and eat you because I love you so much."

The recently gender-swapped copy-cat nin edged away after hearing the creepy comment that sounded like a pick-up line a female spider would use. The man of a thousand jutsu had witnessed thousands of traumatizing incidents. Even so, Kakashi became rattled by the advances of the knucklehead.

"Dobe," Sasuke intervened, reaffirming his favored status in Kakashi's mind.

Currently the three women resided in the relaxing warm waters of a local hot spring. Why you ask? Sakura would eventually hunt them down and so they wanted to die in comfort.

After they had initially blitzed from the decimated ruins of Sakura's home, they were confronted by crippling cramps and the fact that they had yet to properly contain the flow. Kakashi who hadn't yet been afflicted by the same pain as his students was feeling equally cruddy after changing forms. So they set aside their dignity and crawled into the refuge of the Yamanaka's flower shop.

Lots of ass-kissing compliments and bribery concerning Sakura later, Ino relented and began to dish out advice concerning their ailment. As the blonde babbled and bitched, they were able to discern that apparently being submerged in water stopped the evilness that was Mother Nature. As such; water was their new friend.

Kakashi, in his infinite wisdom was the one to suggest a trip to the onsen. Leaving Yamato to fend for himself on the other side, the trio of misfits was delighted to find truth in Ino's words. Shortly after this revelation, they made plans to live indefinitely in the hot springs; water induced old lady wrinkles be damned.

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><p>Meanwhile…<p>

After his brief discussion with Tsunade, Jiraiya found himself familiarly placed on the outskirts of the female side of an onsen. In the toad hermit's defense, he was actually there on business and not the business concerning research for his smut. The Hokage herself had ordered him to keep an eye on Naruto; it wasn't his fault that his young student was now a beautiful woman who liked to frequent bath houses. Though he was there to watch over Naruto, he figured he could multitask by also doing some research for his next book.

'As they say,' Jiraiya thought with a satisfied grin, 'two birds one stone.'

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><p>"My beloved and youthful cherry blossom!"<p>

I'm sure you can guess who said that.

"Hi Lee," the pink-haired male replied with much less enthusiasm than her unusual counterpart.

"The heavens mock my affections by cursing my crush. But fear not, for not even divine intervention can destroy our love," the boy adorning a black bowl cut openly cried out into the busy street. As you can imagine, many people had stopped to openly stare.

Not knowing what to say, Sakura used Kakashi's method of blowing off confessions, "That's nice Lee…."

As Lee moved forward to grasp Sakura's hands in his and peer longingly into her eyes, Sakura cursed Kakashi and his ineffective ways.

"For even though we are both of the same youthful sex," at the word sex, Sakura visibly cringed, "I am confident that we can still make our love work."

Sakura wasn't too excited at the prospect. In fact, she felt rather ill at the moment. She pondered the possibility of puking on her admirer and perhaps scaring him off for good. With her bad luck and Lee's unlimited determination, the chance was nearly nonexistent.

"Uhh…well I have to go," Sakura evaded awkwardly, "Lady Tsunade asked for me."

At this, Lee apologized profusely for stalling her and vowed to do a thousand push-ups. Sakura proceeded to wisely run like hell to her Shishou's. Fortunately, no other obstacles impeded her short journey. Unfortunately, her shishou was drunk off her ass. Again.

Due to previous excursions, Sakura steadfastly concentrated on the hazy hazel eyes before her. But as they say, curiosity killed the cat and Sakura couldn't help but lower her gaze. And everyone thought that pervy sannin had no shame.

"See somethin' you like?" Tsunade slurred. Intoxicated as she was, she still had her wits about her…for the most part. The stapler she threw at her apprentice was remarkably off as Sakura didn't even have to dodge.

Tsunade could only pout and order her student to retrieve the projectile. Sighing Sakura bent to fetch the item, depositing it on her mentor's desk…only to have the blushing woman toss it off the desk again with a drunken, "Oppsie. Mind bending over again?"

Again, Sakura begrudgingly picked up the object. Tsunade was lightly fanning herself now having ogled Sakura's male form from behind. It would seem that Jiraiya had rubbed off on her a bit. "Shishou are you alright?"

"You can call me Tsunade," the drunkard stated.

"Uhhh," Sakura squirmed a bit feeling awkward, "I prefer Shishou."

"Me too," Tsunade agreed with a hiccup, "It makes me feel naughty."

Paling a bit, Sakura tried to redirect their conversation. "Why did you call for me?"

Tsunade frowned, seemingly trying to remember. She knew it was something important, but for the life of her, her drunken mind failed to recall the reason. She shrugged it off in favor of drooling over the hunk her sweet little pupil had become. "I ever tell ya' you're my favorite 'pprentice?" she questioned with a sloshed lilt.

"Call me when you're sober Shishou," the eye-candy commanded her plastered instructor, "I've got teammates to massacre."

And with that, Sakura dramatically departed to begin her man…err woman hunt. By the end of the day, she'd be a lady killer; literally.

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><p>Unnoticeable to even the keenest eye, the dichromatic spy of a certain criminal group overlooked everything. He had seen it all; from the one who was in the closet, to those inside and those looking inside the onsen, to the uneventful emergency meeting between the leaf village's leader and her disciple. He knew all there was to know about the situation.<p>

The kyuubi container and his team were in a compromising situation as was the entire village. It was the perfect time for the Akatsuki to strike. Both sides of Zetsu could only smirk simultaneously.

**/Fin/**

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Mwhaha! Akatsuki's on the move baby! I'm sorry this was a bit short and rushed, but I wanted to hurry and get to the good stuff. I still plan for tons more awkwardness regarding the transformation of Team 7 and I still have lots up my sleeve so stay tuned~

The ideas you guys give me are great so please keep them coming. Reviews are also great, so please keep those coming in as well. You guys have all been so kind to me and I appreciate it dearly. **I love you guys lots!**

In other news, I direct your attention to another spectacular read; **Star Struck** by **Essy-Chan**. It has ItaSaku and Romeo & Juliet. What more can you ask for? Feel free to check it out and drop her some love. **~Shameless advertising for Essy-Chan~** …I do enjoy my advertising don't I? I should totally make commercials! ;D

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope I made you smile at least once today. **Take care!**

**~Until Later, Dotti3**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Sakura's Laundry List of Problems**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

**Thank you** to all who have read, reviewed, faved and/or alerted. You guys rock my mismatched socks! Special thanks to all who have contributed ideas. **StarKiss666** was responsible for the majority of this chapter's content, so thank you! If I forgot to mention you, please tell me and I will somehow right my wrong.

**SanDavis687:** Thank you for your faithful reviews! And I know, I was really surprised that Sakura didn't meet her maker last chapter and I'm the one who wrote it. Lol! Thanks!

**angrypixels:** Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully, you'll find this update just as funny. Enjoy!

**Kaze and Kiba:** You managed to make me all bouncy in happiness. Thank you for specifically stating what you enjoyed most as I feel it really helps guide me. I know I blubber a lot, but I really mean every word I write. With that said, thank you so very much!

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** I whole heartedly agree; especially with the Itachi part. They get a break here, but it won't be long before they join the chaos. Thanks for the review!

**Essy-Chan: **Oh how you never cease to make me feel so special! I'm glad you enjoyed the little gift. Speaking of which, I hate to be pushy, but I'm dieing for you to update! And thank you for telling me about that cute gif! I've seen it too and gushed! Seriously awesome! Thank you for all the amusing reviews and all the unwavering support! Oh and the spectacular advice! Couldn't live without it ;D

**happy everyday life:** Ahhhh! That was me screaming when I saw all the lovely reviews! And while this is a multi Saku story, I fore see some more NaruSaku fics on the way as well as some cute and funny scenes in here. And I promise bitchy Ino will be practically starring next chapter. Seriously, thank you for all the reviews both here and elsewhere. **Thank you!**

**kidloco:** Indeed, you are loco, but so am I! Craziness is encouraged here and maybe even inspired. Thank you for all the reviews, because I had been slightly depressed prior to reading your reviews. They really brightened my day, so thanks!

**OokamiAkuma2297:** Your review was certainly interesting! And I'm sure everyone would love to get in the gender swapped Saku's pants. Poor Saku indeed! Thanks for the review!

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><p>Sakura was in a bit of a bind.<p>

You see, after discovering her demolished living room, she had welled up with anger and sought to pummel her teammates. That was normal. However, her inability to follow through with the intended action was not. Something about the way their new forms cowered from her halted her actions.

The thought alone of even harshly yelling at them disturbed her. This was weird, seeing as her previous form had no problem with kicking all of their asses. Even her usual victims were freaked out, though they were immensely relieved to be spared.

As Sakura sulked away, she pondered for an explanation. The only conclusion she could arrive at was that her newly transformed self could not harm a girl. This was just preposterous though, seeing as she was actually a girl and they were boys before the freak accident had happened. But still, she just couldn't justify physically harming them.

Her annoying inner voice brought up all the times she had openly scorned the boys for going easy on her and treating her different. Of course now, that she was in their shoes so to speak, she struggled with the same dilemma. As such, the previously feminist, tough kunoichi had to admit that she was nothing but a sexist man.

Oh the cruel irony of life.

On to more pressing matters, in her brief period of brooding, Sakura had gained quite the female following. This only worsened her mood and in turn only attracted more squealing fan girls. She now knew exactly how Sasuke felt.

As the horde of estrogen closed in, Sakura's mind scrambled for ways to rid herself of the stalkers. Seeing as Sasuke had never been able to shake his fanatical fan base, even after going rogue, she figured she was pretty much screwed. Currently, she looked like the bad boy every girl dreamed of reforming.

Since channeling her sourpuss teammate would only further escalate her problems, the pink haired male resorted to mimicking her idiotic teammate. Judging by the collective adoring murmurs of 'kawaii', Sakura couldn't quite pull it off in her annoyed state and her bright smile and friendly acknowledgement of the others around her only skyrocketed her sudden popularity. Apparently, with her pink locks and big green eyes, she fell into the category of 'bishounen'.

But Haruno Sakura was the Hokage's apprentice and part of the legendary Team 7 so she wasn't about to give up. She was a freaking kunoichi of the hidden leaf for crying out loud! The will of fire ran abundant through her and there was no way she would back down from a challenge. Sakura narrowly reframed herself from repeating her ramen loving teammate's infamous quote. On that note, perhaps she was imitating the knuckle head too well.

Sakura's genius mind quickly looked searched through her mind for cases in which hot males were without fan clubs. Kakashi and Yamato both had decent sized fan base and so they were quickly scratched from the list. Naruto's name was scratched off as well after failed attempt. Upon arriving at Sai's name, she promptly discarded his tactics all together. In her current form, there was no way she would stoop to the level of meanly insulting a woman.

Her brilliant brain conjured up the image of the eldest and hottest Uchiha. As far as she knew, he didn't have a problem with warding off the female population. But then again, he also didn't have a problem with slaughtering his family. Seeing as Sakura didn't really feel like murdering anyone, she was still stuck at square one.

Despite her earlier energetic mental pep talk, she was close to giving up hope. As luck would have it though, her intelligent mind produced yet another possibility. After closer consideration brought forth no flaws, she couldn't help but to bemoan her stupidity for overlooking the candidate previously.

That being said, Sakura left to find Neji.

* * *

><p>The Hyuga clan is a very prestigious and well thought of clan full of some of the best shinobi Konoha has to offer. The Hyuga clan is also full of a bunch of pompous assholes. Unfortunately, Hyuga Neji falls under both categories.<p>

She was unsurprised to find the brunette prodigy hard at work at the training grounds. She was even less surprised to find Ten Ten by his side. The two were practically never apart.

After exchanging greetings with the duo, Sakura explained her current problem, motioning to the women and girls that had trailed her to the training grounds. The crowd was driven into a frenzy at the sighting of the two bishies conversing. A stern look from the weapons mistress had them scurrying.

Though Sakura had besieged the male before her to help, he coldly refused to aid her. Apparently he had caught wind of Sakura's unintentional perving on his clan's heir. As such, he was taking delight in her torment.

"What are your intentions with my cousin Haruno?" he questioned formally.

Sakura could only sputter in response and blush a pink that matched her hair.

"If you seek to continue your disgraceful courting methods," at this his Byakugan activated, "Then you will have to answer to me."

The usually calm ninja, practically pounced at Sakura with an uncharacteristic aggressiveness. Barely dodging his furious assault, the pinkette made a mental reminder to never accidentally ogle the busty, shy girl. The newly established perverted persona had the audacity to remark that it was totally worth it.

Despite her earlier hesitance to harm her teammates, she showed no such restraint towrd the attacking Hyuga. Though his long silky hair said otherwise, Neji was very much a dude. Therefore, Sakura felt justified in knocking him onto his arrogant ass.

"Nice job," the brunette, bun loving kunoichi diagnosed after observing her unofficial boyfriend's K. status.

"Sorry about that," Sakura apologized, gesturing to the unconscious male before her. Ten Ten merely waved it off.

"So Sakura," the rosette snapped to attention, "about this chick infestation you have. I think I can help you out."

"Oh Ten Ten you're the best," Sakura was quick to flatter and narrowly restrained her urge to swoop the woman into a hug. Ten Ten accepted the compliment as if it were common knowledge.

"The reason Neji here," she lightly kicked him on the side to emphasis her point, "is free from the vixen vermin is because of me."

Even with Ten Ten proudly motioned to herself in a grand way, Sakura still couldn't quite follow. Seeing this, the frustrated female sighed and further explained. "I'm the baddest kunoichi that ever lived," the former kunoichi ignored the need to question that statement, "Everyone thinks I'm his girlfriend and so they stay away."

"But aren't you two datin-" Sakura was cut off with a viscous no followed by the defendant blushing.

"So you're saying I need a girlfriend. Hey, if you're single," Sakura continued, letting that statement dangle. Ten Ten yet again cut her off with an adamant no and more blushing.

"Look Sakura," Ten Ten demanded, "I'm flattered, but I'm too busy to be your body guard. My advice is to find yourself a girlfriend. Don't tell Neji, but your much hotter than him, so you're going to need to look for a strong kunoichi. Preferably, you need one of the crazy, possessive and clingy type. Now if I were you, I'd scram. Neji might be K. right now, but when he wakes up he'll be P. ."

Saying her thanks and resisting her urge to glomp her savior, Sakura set out to find a crazy, possessive and clingy kunoichi. Fortunately, Sakura knew just the girl for the job. Unfortunately, that girl was Yamanaka Ino.

**/Fin/**

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I am so sorry to have kept you waiting! I got detoured by life and then I started publishing **Chastity Belt** which did really well and so it got most of my attention. But fear not, that fic is almost completed and this one has just begun.

I also have to apologize for the shortness here. There was also not much action from the Akatsuki or the she-males, so again, I apologize. And in advance, I might as well apologize again, because starting in September I will begin publishing a Halloween themed fic that I predict will steal lots of my time. If all goes planned, I will be able to wrap that one up in November.

Anyways, I'm **sorry** for the bad news if you happen to like this fic. I will continue to update this as frequently as I can. And I absolutely hate to bribe, but reviews make a world of a difference. Each and every one of them is read and cherished, which inspires me to troop on through exhaustion. With that being said, **please review** to show your love. **;D**

**Thank you** for taking the time to read this. I love you all! I wish you all a happy day full of lots of good reads. Please take care!

**~Dotti3**


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